The Dirty Work of Childhood Molestation
A loved one within my own family is a
victim of this tragic crime. In the last month I have heard
friends who were speaking of their own painful journeys, and news
abounds about the latest serial rapist who has destroyed numbers of
children and teenagers with his orgy parties. I've heard the reports
of the border crises...most especially the child trafficking and
raping of children and women who have paid an exorbitant and lifelong
price to cross into the US.
Then last Saturday night, I was looking
for a good mystery on PBS or on my DVR. I first watched Law and Order
SVU, then PBS' 4 week series, “Unforgotten”. Once again, with
gripping reality, the heart wrenching victims of childhood
molestation and rape, and young women and boys who are lured into sex
parties where unspeakable atrocities are performed on them were told.
But it's not just what happens to them in these dark torture chambers
(which, thankfully were not shown). These two shows clearly spelled
out the life changing effects for those who were now middle aged. How
do these things change their lives? I vaguely knew, but now I was
being shown.
What happens to them after the
perpetrators have had their fun? These victims are then turned out
into the pasture of their lives to try to make sense of it all, to
smother the tortuous feelings of guilt and shame (for it must have
been their fault that “I was afraid but I felt something
good....well not really good, but like a hot pepper that burns, but
you go back for another taste”). Or it may have been immensely
painful and no one listened to their cries. Then came the
anger....anger against those that allowed them to get themselves into
these situations, or the anger at the pervert who disgusted them but
may have been a family member, or the anger at themselves because
they let it happen. Some may have physical pain in their most
intimate parts...will it get better?
Next question they ask is “should I
tell someone,....mom?.....dad? Would they believe me? Would they
blame me? Would they tell everyone else? “ Then how do they deal
with the results of the stares, the quiet sneers, the gossip that
would most certainly accrue. So most say NOTHING for years, or decades, I mean NOTHING!
Children forced into these
nightmares, especially when they live in fairly stable homes, may
seem to recover, but not really. Often PTSD is just as real for them
as for a marine coming off the battlefield... nightmares,
sleeplessness, rage, anger, depression, withdrawal, insecurity, and
rebellion are common mechanisms for coping with the pain of the
memories... if they are not revisited by the same relative,
teacher, coach, or other sicko. However, if there is a chance of
repeat performances, fear becomes a constant companion. How do you
explain that you don't want to go stay at Aunt Nikki's house during
summer vacation? How can you lock your bedroom door and keep him or
her out?
There's another whole aspect that can
also bring pain, or relief. That is how parents handle the thing
their child has just tried to tell them, if indeed they ever do.
Parents are all different and their reactions are all different.
Going to the police is the obvious next step. But the anguish and the
realities of infrequent convictions because nothing can be proved,
the unwillingness of the victims to expose their already violated
privacy, and the daunting aspect of confronting the monster in the
room make this a difficult choice.
I'm sorry to expose you, my reader to
these ghastly realities of the fruit of acts that at least 30% of our
population experiences. These are only a fraction of details that
describe the lives of victims of childhood molestation. We may have a
friend or relative who has shared some of the nightmare with us, but
most of us hear the stories, then, because we too, are pained by
them, we go on to something else that will make us feel happier. But
I implore you to keep reading and allow God to bring the Truth into
your life. You may be able to pray more effectively for someone, or
be a source of wisdom and help when most aren't comfortable to even
talk about it.
For me, this was an answer to prayer.
I wanted to understand more, I wanted to be honest with myself as to
how I dealt with this in my own family. I wanted to enter into the
reality of my loved one's sufferings. I wanted to understand more.
I was seeing the devastation all around decades later. “God, help
me understand”.
I'm not one to run from conviction.
Conviction is a true sense of sorrow and regret and acknowledgment that I
am at fault in some of my decisions even if I thought I was doing the
best I could. I wanted to feel the extent of the pain and
devastation that my loved one has borne for decades. I wanted
healing, forgiveness for us all. Conviction should always lead to
confession and God's forgiveness,,,,so that I can live without the
pain of condemnation so that I, too, don't make things worse. I
didn't want to live in condemnation.
Condemnation is NOT from God. It
torments and twists its way into every part of these stories...the
victims, the loved ones of the victims, and the perpetrators.
Condemnation is a poison that weaves itself into our relationships,
often those most important to us... parents, love relationships,
siblings, and later our own children. It accuses, blames,
fabricates, twists the knife deeper, then starts all over again.
Jesus came to us, as God's heartfelt
gift, so that He could not only show us the Father, but that He could
suffer and die for us. His sacrifice has purchased our forgiveness,
miraculously bringing healing and restoration and reconciliation.
This is the answer for everyone swept up in these horror stories. God
cares, so much so that He's given us a way to recover, be healed, be
free from pain, and be made new. That's why He gave us Himself,
Jesus.
I believe and pray that many of you
that read this will hear the heart of God in this writing and
prayerfully ask Jesus to lead you through this process. I know of no
other counseling, treatment, or book that will do what only our
loving God can do.
Please share with me your thoughts
about this.
