Well here it is the end of August....monsoon season in Arizona.  Lower temperatures (still over 100) and frequent rain showers and humidity.....reminds me of August in Florida. Only a month or so until I'll enjoy being outside again.
     One of the things I will enjoy doing  is "dancing" in the pool to my worship music.  It's glorious to leap, spin and glide with my arms upraised to My Beloved, all the while letting the water shield my joints and muscles.  I found a way to safely pocket my IPOD in my hat, and the rest was history.
     "I remember the first glance...
         I remember the first romance..
            I remember the first dance....   when I fell in love with You"
                                                                                                Misty Edwards, Eternity-Glance
This is what I wrote yesterday in my journal on that subject:

In defense of God's romantic love for me and of my romantic, passionate love for Him....

Why else would the Lord nestle in His word many descriptions of His love for me using the terms a husband would use for his bride/wife/betrothed?  These passages are there because they best describe the passionate love He has for me. Here are a few:

• The care and precision that Abraham took to choose a bride for Isaac...a very romantic story
• The keening of Hosea over his wayward bride, and his powerful love to restore her....an alagory of God's grief and restoring power over His chosen people
• Ruth's powerfully brave and romantic response to Boaz...courage to trust in the Redeemer
• The whole of Song of Songs.... right in the middle of the Bible....God's love song to us
• Jesus' own words refering to Himself as The Bridegroom
• John's revelations ....the bride belongs to the Bridegroom, the wedding supper
• The glimpses in Paul's writings of his understanding of the Bridegroom's love...as Christ loves the Church

     Jesus is always "romancing" us. But in this sexually distorted culture, these are uncomfortable revelations, sometimes causing distortions and misunderstandings among Christians who want to avoid anything that smacks of emotionalism or eroticism. I choose not to allow these fears to rob me of His romantic gifts to me:

     ~pouring out  His gifts to me both material (provision and more) and spiritual (gifts, revelations)
     ~delighting me with new insights about Him, me and heaven and earth
     ~calling me to His side, to feel His touch, to rest with Him
     ~jealously hovering over me to guard and protect me, not willing to let me go
     ~willing to reveal more and more of Himself to me as we share our innermost secrets
     ~reveling in my times of worship for Him, ravishing His heart with one glimpse of my eyes

Jesus says to me:
     " you are totally special to Me
        you are invaluable to Me above all else
        you are Mine...I bought you with My blood
        you are still free to choose
        you are empowered with My Spirit
        you are My partner in establishing the Kingdom of God on this earth....My helpmate"
    
     My faith, my choice to believe these things is not only indescribably beautiful to Him but also powerful.  It truly ravishes His heart. What I accomplish and live by now in faith will be joyously perceived and seen in eternity. My joy at what I did by faith  will be indescribable ...the glory that I give to my Lord, adding to His Glory which is reflected back to me.

Jesus say to me:
     "As you ponder My romance with you, My beloved, your wedding gown is being woven and           sewn, adorned all in preparation for Our Wedding when I return for you.
  
      Ponder more, My beautiful bride,
      Believe more, My beloved,
      Act on what you've been given, My helpmate.

      I long for you, too."
    

Well, here I am again, my dear friends....

     I am medium well done and it is only late June in Phoenix.  It is almost unbearable to go outside after noon.  Even leaving for a Pet Portrait workshop at nearby PetCo at 6PM  takes all my determination...it is still 100 degrees outside.
     Tonight I have a wonderful Bible Study at my church on "knowing who I am in Christ".  Again I'll have to kick myself out the door. I get up early and try to do chores, shopping and have my quiet time during the morning hours, then often nod off for a nap while watching Fox News Special Report which airs here at 3PM instead of dinner time.  Many changes......
     These boring details point out a life lesson I'm learning.  Stangely it is this: trusting God as my Husband requires real submission to Him. This has always been hard for us women.
      When I tried to fly to Florida two weeks ago to see my friends again and attend a concert with Kari Jobe, I was stopped cold in Las Vegas.  As a long time airline pass user (thanks to my pilot-son's privileges), I was stunned, since the night before  I had been told I had a good chance. Earlier the previous week other blocks to this hair-brained quick trip had clearly been removed and I had been sure The Lord had opened the door for me to go.
      Why had the Lord led me to believe this trip was His will for me?  That was my complaint to Him all day long as I waited for a return flight to Phoenix to open up.  I kept questioning until I arrived back home at 9:45 that evening!  I added questions like:
       "Lord, why are you allowing all this time to be wasted in the Las Vegas airport?  Why have you allowed me to miss the concert I so much wanted to attend. (Kari Jobe's lyrics are a part of my book, Bouquets From My Beloved)?  Why would you let me and my friends, who had been so excited to be reunited for a short period, be so dissappointed?"  I wasn't exactly stamping my feet and demanding answers;  I truly wanted to know.
     The scripture that kept coming to me was, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Prov 3: 4-5. The only answer I've received is that I must learn to be flexible, submissive to the unknown, but cherishing care of my Husband, the Lord, who watches and guides me jealously at all times.  Perhaps one day He will tell me why.  But until then, like He said to His Father in the garden, "Not my will, but yours..."Mat 26:39. 
     So, I came away from this experience, unharmed, a little humbled, and still greatful that He, my Husband, is guiding and making my way straight....even when it seems a little crooked.  And He is still God and I am still a child learning to know who I am in Christ. 
    

A Dream

     In the dream, my husband and I had just been married.  However, repeatedly, we were surrounded by  events and matters that seemed to demand our individual attention. What we really wanted was to just be together to celebrate our love.  I awoke longing to just be with him. 
     It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out.  Ever since my husband died, I have occasionally had one version or another of this dream. I do not know the man in the dream.  But I like to believe that it is the Lord's way of calling me, of reminding me that He wants to spend more time with me. I love that. I love to know that my Heavenly Bridegroom longs to be with me.
     My life is on hold, it seems, right now.  I have all in place to teach watercolor classes and paint pet portraits. I'm praying for students to sign up and pets to paint.
     I have found my new church.  New Life Church has absorbed me into there midst.  I am waiting for the open door to minister back to them what my Beloved has given to me.
     I love peaches.  And that's why my family and I went peach picking last Saturday and are now gorging ourselves with all the treats that can be made with peaches.  Even my daughter in California seems closer when we talk on the phone.
     As the days of a brilliantly blooming desert give way to the more subtle colors of the desert and its consuming heat, I am rereading Dutch Sheets' book, Intercessory Prayer. I am so inspired to pray courageously and with the Holy Spirit's power for my family, my country, and the world.
     But my heart responds most strongly to this call from my Heavenly Husband. I love it that He longs for me, too. I love it that He wants all my attention for awhile.  I love it that He makes me feel like I'm the only one.  I asked Him how that could be.  He reminded me that He lives outside time and space...of which there is no limit.  When He draws me aside...just me...He can stay there for as long as I wish, without withholding Himself from anyone else. We spent all morning together this day...glorious!
     Sharing a few pictures:  The April desert in bloom.

Phoenix update and knowing God's thoughts

From my journal yesterday......
"Well, Lord, thank You for getting my house sold and closed.  Signed the papers today....only one small glitch needs to be solved before it is final!"

I have a Husband who is faithful to take care of me!  I have no doubt He will make it possible for me to take care of the SBA loan and my other expenses here.  One of the possibilites is my ability to teach watercolor classes and I have some doors opening up here now.  Also, I plan to advertise my "Pet Portraits" in the many pet and grooming stores in the area.

I am still uncertain about the church God has for me to settle in.  One of the things He is reminding me comes from I Sam 16:7, where Samuel was trying to understand which of Jesse's sons was to become the announted king of Israel, to succeed Saul.  As Samuel was looking over the boys, the Lord said to him, "Do not consider his appeareance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart".  Of course, the Lord chose David, the youngest and least likely to be the one.  I am praying to have that kind of discernment in this major decision.

It all boils down to  knowing God's thoughts, doesn't it?  A favorite worship song of mine, "Strings" by Misty Edwards in her "Relentless" album,  has the lyrics: 
         I want to play the strings of Your heart, God; Come play the strings of mine.
         I want to sing straight to Your heart, God; Sing straight to mine.

         Lord, You have my heart, I am searching for Yours.
         Lord, You have my thoughts, I am searching for Yours.

Back to my journal......
"I want to hear Your song, know Your heart., Lord.  I can't handle Your heart for the entire world...it's needs are so overwhelming to me.  But, Lord, I want to know Your song for me and my loved ones, for those to whom I can minister...let me know Your heart for them."

.

The Blooming Desert!

It has been awhile since I last wrote.....I've had a few distractions in the last three weeks:

~~packing up and loading all my furniture into a huge Budget rental truck, and cleaning up the mess before leaving my beloved little artist's cottage on the lake in Deerfield Beach.  However, the next day, as Scott(son), Mary (his wife), and Brendan (grandson) climbed into the truck, and Kimmi (granddaughter), Clifford (dog), Krissy (cat) and I squeezed into my car, I didn't look back.  I was ready to see what's next on the Lord's plan for me.

~~driving 14 hours a day for 3 days,  kitty meows at least 50% of the time, dog vomit twice, and was nearly run off the road by a huge 18 wheeler, and driving 8 hours on the last day before unloading into my new desert dwelling just before the sun went down.  We had arrived! 2400 miles! Krissy and Clifford and I were home!

Thank you for your prayers! Despite it all, we are all safe. Kimmi and Brendan were great and very helpful, walking Clifford, carrying cat carrier, cat litter bag and supplies, plus, computers and bags every night into the Embassy Suites, and pumping my gas 2 or 3 times each day.  Scott, stopping often for potty breaks, was patient as I got slower and slower loading up every morning.

 

 Mary, who had flown back  to Phoenix on Wednesday, had left the refrigerator of my new house stocked with enough to get by for a few days, cleaning products, new towels and decor in the baths, laundry soap, etc, a vacuum cleaner, garbage bags, an assortment of sweets and snacks, greeting door ma, colorful "welcome" door wreath, and a beautiful large potted brilliant purple plant on the the front porch.   I was so blessed.  The desert was already blooming.

Since then I have been making this my home....moving furniture around, unpacking 50 some boxes, hanging towels, curtains and clothes, and turning my breakfast nook into a great little mini-office adjoining my kitchen.  As I had hoped, a part of my garage has become my artist's studio as well as keeping my car sheltered from the heat, etc. Then there have been the electronic wars for TVs, Computers, telephone (including a new more complicated cell phone), remotes...not my best area of adjustment.  But we are all up and GO!

Next, my ventures out to grocery stores (I rediscovered my treasured Trader Joe's), hardware,  Goodwill and Target stocked us up with the necessaries. I found Brendan's football practice one evening as I took him there and watched in the chilly AZ evening; and Scott and I watched his first game of the season way out in Apache Junction (sounds real "western", doesn't it), then picked up Kimmi and came back here for spaghetti and meatballs and Monopoly (Denver Broncos style). Mary was flying (working).  Pure joy to have them for dinner and fun.

I visited a church which I had scoped out while in Florida on the Internet. Mountain Park Community Church is about 10 minutes or less from home, and I'm pretty sure it will be my home church. It is about the size of SRC and very active.  Womens' Bible Study is doing Beth Moore's "Daniel", and now her study is on Revelation.  Tonight I will be attending a Seder dinner.  Friday, instead of a Good Friday service, they have a "Stations of the Cross" event where we can actually journey through the scripture and historical accounts of the events, and climb the small mountain behind the church up to the cross.

I have asked the Lord each week when I attended services at 10:45 on Sunday for a confirmation.  The first week the pastor's sermon was part of a year long series about getting to know Jesus more intimately and I liked it very much. Then this last Sunday, I asked again, and was almost blown away when a drama was performed between Pete (Peter) and Andy (Andrew) from the audience and then on the stage as they hilariously maneuvered their way through the Palm Sunday crowds, and then pondered on the washing of their feet by the Lord at the upper room. I loved what I saw and heard from the pastor.  I only wish the worship was longer....you know me. 

And all around me the desert is breaking into spring bloom (along with the allergies).  It truly is spectacular.  My next goal is to take some pictures and send them out by email. The weather is mild, cool in the mornings, warmer in the afternoons and yes, very dry.  But I feel better and am not suffering the terrible fatigue that was plaguing me in the Florida heat and humidity.

Most of all, though, I really do miss you!  That is the huge void here and no amount of activity or comfort can erase that.  Sniff, sniff.....

Thanks for plowing through this....thought you might like to know the details of God's faithfulness to me.  I'll try to keep the next posts much shorter and less self-centered. 

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What I'm looking forward to in the desert

     One of my big concerns in moving to Phoenix is the loss of the lush Florida flora...the green, the colors, the jungle, the fruits from my trees...and the fauna....the ducks, water birds, iguanas, squirrels, and other visitors to my back yard.  I've lived in Phoenix before for seven years before my husband died and I know the monotone landscape that is everywhere except where thoughtful gardeners have planted trees, and fought the summer heat to keep their grass and shrubs alive.

     And then I remember my mother's patio garden which she started each January when she and Daddy came to their home in Sun City to escape the Denver winter each year.  She filled at least a dozen huge pots with soil and fertilizer and petunias, begonias, allisum, and so many other plants I can't name and nurtured them until they spilled out like waterfalls.  Then she teased and fed her roses and other perenials into full bloom in just a few weeks, it seemed, while all the neighbors came down to oooh and aaaah. It was truly the desert in bloom.
     Then about a week ago during my quiet time in the morning, I heard the Lord speaking to my heart that He is taking me back to the desert where I will  experience the desert in bloom!  And just to confirm it (I wasn't really sure if that message wasn't just hopeful thinking), that evening as I got into bed and picked up Richard Brooks' commentary on the Song of Songs, I saw it again!  I usually only get a page read before I nod off, but this time I chuckled....knowing my Bridegroom was turning my doubts into certainty.... a lovely good-night bouquet of love.
     Brooks was refering to Song of Songs 2: 1-2 where the Lover calls Himself the rose of Sharon, and His beloved replys that she is a "lily amongst the thorns". Brooks was linking this to a beautiful prophecy of Isaiah's about Israel, which also speaks to us each individually.
 The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;
  the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;
 it shall blossom abundantly
  and rejoice with joy and singing.
 The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,
  the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.
 They shall see the glory of the LORD,
  the majesty of our God.
(Isaiah 35:1-2 ESV)".
     So I went to sleep that night and since with a true assurance that this move will not be to a drab monotone but to a blooming desert....which is the most unusual and exotic scene you can imagine... with all the cacti sprouting brilliantly colored flower bonnets.  I can't wait to experience what all that means.  But I'll be telling you......just as soon as I can get past this giant chore of moving.   I hope to keep writing weekly, but forgive me if I miss once in a while until I get set up again there.